Sooo why are you single?

"So, why are you single?"

"You are not married? Why?"

I get those questions, a lot. From married women, to men I’m meeting for the first time.

You know how they say there is no such thing as a stupid question? Well, to me, this is a stupid question.

Let me put it this way, Im not going to get married just to get married. Im not going to marry because I feel I reached some age where being single is unacceptable.

If, or when, I find someone who I feel compatible with; I feel we make a good couple; we have had a few arguments; we have ideas, opinions and beliefs in common; we love and respect each other, and most importantly, we treat each other like an equal, I will ponder that question of marriage.

I have seen way too many relationships that are toxic, abusive or the couple is just plain miserable in marriage. I have asked my female friends who are in bad marriages, why they stay. Many will just shrug and say "oh well, he is someone'. WOW. They would rather be in miserable marriages than be single and happier off.

What surprises me most, is that still in our society, it is more acceptable for men to be single than women. My male friends rarely get questioned on why they are single. Family members will inquire but other friends, not so much. For women, we are still looked at as if something is 'wrong' with us if we are not paired up by our early 30's. And heaven forbid, we are single at 40! Speaking of which, I am in my middle 40's and loving it......

Women are taught early on, almost programmed to a point, to be married and have kids. We get baby dolls to take care of that wet, cry and need to be fed. We get the miniture kitchenettes to play house in, preparing meals for our make believe husbands and family. What do men get? Cars, toy rifles, miniature rockets, baseballs and footballs, in other words fun, recreational stuff. I would like more of the boys to receive a toy vacuum so they can help out around the house.

It is also shown in magazines on the store shelves and online. Women's magazines speak of how to keep that spark in the relationship, how to catch that man's eye, how to look sexy for him, or how to loose that last 10 lbs, while showing a picture of 1 million calorie chocolate cake on the front. The men's magazines? One boasted on how to tell if her breasts are real, what to know about rock climbing, how to close that deal; No real relationship advice at all.

Weddings are so pounded into women's heads starting at a very young age. I know friends that have planned about their 'dream wedding' since they were 5!! What about the rest of it? The marriage part? The finding the right person part?

Prior to the 1980's, yes, 1980's, women 'needed' to get married to a point. For a single woman buying a home, she had to come up with the entire payment for the house upfront, or needed a co-signer on a home loan, like daddy. We weren’t seen as being able to be financially independent as a male was. We also had the more lower paying jobs, that were 'acceptable' for women. Like teaching, nursing, etc. Female doctors or principals were few. No Im not saying there is anything wrong with being a teach or nurse, but there was not a glass ceiling for us but more of a cement ceiling. With the passage of the equal rights in the 1970's that started the change for us.

I guess I could say I planned for a happy life in general. If I found someone with whom I wanted to share the rest of my life with, great. If not, I certainly wasn’t going to stay a home waiting for the phone to ring. Meanwhile, I have my retirement accounts, car, house, outside interests, and my dogs to keep my busy, entertained and moving.